Sunday, October 23, 2011

The good, the bad, and the ugly nipples.

I survived my c-section.

I love everyone that says c-sections are so easy! (there's always an exclamation point at the end!)

Having your stomach ripped open is not easy in my world. It hurts like a mother fucking bitch. I don't do pain well. It was painful. So I didn't do it well.

I now have a real, live spawn. My husband sobbed when he saw (or maybe it was heard; I was behind a curtain with a mask on my face and was blissfully unaware of most of the activities) our kid. My first thought (and subsequent 23 thoughts) and spoken words were, THIS IS SO WEIRD. I just kept saying that. I admit that I was touched by Mr. FGD's raw emotional reaction to seeing (hearing?) the kid. But I just thought the whole thing was fucking weird! Spawn in my belly! Spawn out of my body and alive and screaming! That is weird!

I don't give a fuck about oh how wonderful and beautiful and healthy breast feeding is, but everyone said that it helps you lose weight, so with that, I was in. What a mistake. My nips are so fucked it's ridiculous. Every day is painful. Every day, at least once, I regret my decision to do this and wish I had just gone with formula feeding. Every day I just want to say FUCK THIS, and never shove my sore nips in the kid's face again.

And yet, I have issues (no shit), and I just keep hearing a little voice inside my head saying, "thinner thighs....thinner thighs" and so I keep on truckin'. 

Anyway, I just wanted to go on record as saying that I survived this, thanks to going back on the anti-crazy pills that in hindsight, why the fuck did I go off of them in the first place???

And, I have to say, I actually like the kid. He doesn't annoy me. Well, most of the time. When he screams endlessly in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, and I want nothing more in life but to go back to sleep, I admit that I do get annoyed. But overall, I think he's kinda cool. 

My nipples do not think he is cool. At all.

13 Comments, shout outs, and other gold diggin' love:

Aline said...

I am so glad that you think he's cool. This makes me smile so hard. See? :-D

I'm sorry your nips are killing you dude. I was cringing the whole time I was reading that. I am proud of you for keeping on trucking with it even if it is in the name of thinner thighs. I mean, the end usually justifies the means right?

I would love to meet the cute little man one of these days. Will you keep me posted on when would be a good time? Sending nothing but best thoughts and love and blessings for your little family.

dapotato said...

thinner thighs will totally be worth the bloody nips. i think. since i don't have firsthand experience.

can't wait to meet him and see you and j again.

amber said...

My nips can commiserate - even though they're not bloody anymore they're sore as hell. :(

I'm glad you think you're kid is cool. Makes me happy to hear it, though I agree that they're super annoying when they scream for no good reason. Heh. Can't wait to get the little munchkins together one of these days.

Baby Mama said...

BFing is so hard. I cried. I felt like a failure, and then there was the pain, and blood. But seriously, it was so worth it. Like you, I kept telling myself "400-600 calories a day, you an do this!!!" I ate like crap (still do) and went back to *almost* pre-pregnancy weight pretty quickly... especially since I haven't exercised since like '08.

Hang in there! But if you do end up using formula, don't be too hard on yourself. At least you gave it a good effort!

Let me know if/when you are up for visitors. I can bring cupcakes!

BAM said...


1.ELATED that you're blogging again.

2. Glad you think the lil FGD-spawn is cool.

3. Yikes re the BFing! Sounds intense. I have no clue if it's supposed to get better or not but I hope hope hope it does.

Erin said...

So so glad you're back!

Kelli said...

BFing is HARD. Whoever said it was easy was full of shit. It didn't come natural for us & while I'm glad I did it it was exhausting and sometimes felt like an uphill fight. Expressed BM should help with the cracked nipples & the ice packs should help as well.

Jennyen said...

I've heard horror stories about the nips. Glad you survived and doing well. I've been checking your blog a lot lately waiting for a response. I've been out of the loop since I've give up facebook. Email me when you can.

XO and best of luck!!

wan said...

you are adorable, raw as hell, and one of my very favorite people on the planet. i hope we can do a GTG with all the girls soon, to meet the little man in person. i think he's pretty damn cool too.

the sore nips will go away, i promise. and so will the pregnancy weight along with it. but you know, there's no shame in switching to formula if you just can't do it anymore. in the meantime, lanolin is your friend.

much love to you, mr. FGD and mini-FGD!

Winnie said...

Eeeeek I'm scurrrrred to have a child. Glad to hear you and baby are doing well though!

Tameka said...

You are perhaps one of my very favorite things about the Internet.

It's been nearly a decade since I put my boob in a kid's mouth but I remember how much it sympathies.

I'm glad that overall you like the kid. Eventually you can dress him up and take pictures of him for the amusement of yourself and others. That part is pretty fun too.


Insomniac said...

Bloody nips? Oh jesus. lol

Big Daddy Hunters said...

It is nice to see your gold digging ended up giving you a little nugget :-) Congrats

Blog Design by Delicious Design Studio