Ever since I purchased an Amazon Prime membership earlier this year, my life has changed forever. Forevah. If you have a .edu email address, go get your free year of Amazon Prime via the new Amazon Student program. Like, now. Stop everything else you are doing. Thank me later. If you don't have a .edu email address, take advantage of the free 30-day trial at some point. Bliss. Total bliss.
Let me explain why Amazon Prime sucked me in to begin with. (other than the 2-day shipping, because who doesn't love that.) For over a year and a half, I was working a pretty extreme work schedule. Add a 45 min to one hour commute each day to and from work plus volunteering every Saturday, and the last effing thing I wanted to do was go to CVS and Costco and a million other places to pick up toilet paper, biodegradable poop bags, biodegradable kitchen trash bags, etc. I was exhausted, and I just wanted to do fun shit like get my nails done or lie passed out on the couch watching Jersey Shore. Enter Amazon Prime.
I thought I'd amuse myself here by chronicling the completely random assortment of items I've purchased this year. Here goes.
Everything about these "mitts" is perfection. They are biodegradable AND the box says totally random shit like "I'm Dog Angel" and "My dog suddenly poo poo." Perfection.
My dogs turn into circus freaks for this shit. Come over, and I will show you the moves they bust out for one of these treats.
Boring. But my marital contract specified "no hairy pits."
Boring. But my ass specifies "ultra soft."
I have trouble sleeping if the air in my bedroom gets too dry. Yes, I'm a freak. Thank you.
Fuckballs, these are good.
I ran out of my rad Voluspa candles before Gilt had another boutique sale on them. Tragedy. Mmmmmmm. Yummy scent.
A pre running-retirement purchase. Sigh.
I can't swallow vitamins. Shut up.
My princess netbook needed a princess case!
I didn't purchase this for myself. Or my secret baby.
Because my ob-gyn won't leave me the fuck alone about getting enough calcium. And I hate swallowing pills, people.
Cheap. Pink. Nothing further.
Because we drink a lot of coffee and we like donuts.
There you have it. Multiple the buying of the poop mitts and the coffee k-cups by about 10, and you have my life at Amazon.com in a nutshell. Or in a biodegradable poop mitt, whichever you prefer.