Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Shit I Buy. (The Amazon Chronicles)

Ever since I purchased an Amazon Prime membership earlier this year, my life has changed forever. Forevah. If you have a .edu email address, go get your free year of Amazon Prime via the new Amazon Student program. Like, now. Stop everything else you are doing. Thank me later. If you don't have a .edu email address, take advantage of the free 30-day trial at some point. Bliss. Total bliss.

Let me explain why Amazon Prime sucked me in to begin with. (other than the 2-day shipping, because who doesn't love that.) For over a year and a half, I was working a pretty extreme work schedule. Add a 45 min to one hour commute each day to and from work plus volunteering every Saturday, and the last effing thing I wanted to do was go to CVS and Costco and a million other places to pick up toilet paper, biodegradable poop bags, biodegradable kitchen trash bags, etc. I was exhausted, and I just wanted to do fun shit like get my nails done or lie passed out on the couch watching Jersey Shore. Enter Amazon Prime.

I thought I'd amuse myself here by chronicling the completely random assortment of items I've purchased this year. Here goes.

Everything about these "mitts" is perfection. They are biodegradable AND the box says totally random shit like "I'm Dog Angel" and "My dog suddenly poo poo." Perfection.

My dogs turn into circus freaks for this shit. Come over, and I will show you the moves they bust out for one of these treats.

Boring. But my marital contract specified "no hairy pits."

Boring. But my ass specifies "ultra soft."

I have trouble sleeping if the air in my bedroom gets too dry. Yes, I'm a freak. Thank you.

Fuckballs, these are good.

I ran out of my rad Voluspa candles before Gilt had another boutique sale on them. Tragedy. Mmmmmmm. Yummy scent.

A pre running-retirement purchase. Sigh.

I can't swallow vitamins. Shut up.

My princess netbook needed a princess case!

I didn't purchase this for myself. Or my secret baby.

Because my ob-gyn won't leave me the fuck alone about getting enough calcium. And I hate swallowing pills, people.

Cheap. Pink. Nothing further.

Because we drink a lot of coffee and we like donuts.

There you have it. Multiple the buying of the poop mitts and the coffee k-cups by about 10, and you have my life at Amazon.com in a nutshell. Or in a biodegradable poop mitt, whichever you prefer.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Every girl wants to be in a cult

First off, my pink-obsessed friend recently notified me that my blog is blocked at her work due to "indecent content." What the FUCK? [giggling]

Secondly, have you entered my blog giveaway???

Ok, now let's jump right into discussing the Cult that I belong to. It's called Nordstrom. Some of you may belong to it as well. For those of you that don't, let me advise you that it is currently our Cult's biggest holiday. The Anniversary Sale! [squeal!] Honestly, I have no words to describe my excitement for this time of the year. This is my coming of jesus, for real.

Anywhoodle, I made my very special early-access appointment to preview the sale last week (the sale doesn't actually start until this Friday, but us devoted Cult members make sure we get dibs on the shit we want early, yo) and brought some of my bitches along to join me.

When there is shopping to be done, who has time to focus the camera?

My pal 10yearstogether doesn't get out much, so this was a big deal for her.

Readers, I know you just think I'm saying this because I'm in a Cult and brainwashed, and while I don't dispute that, you MUST head to this sale.


If you can look hot while modeling shoes under a completely blurry picture-taker person, I hate you (read: this is not a picture of me but my skinny hot friend):

Ambie's new Michael Kors bag!

I shopped with such restraint. Looking back, I actually can't even believe it. I picked up this cute little puppy for myself:

Regular price $250 - sale price $119.90!

I also picked up a Vince Camuto handbag that I saw in the anniversary catalog and didn't even look twice at, but its sparkly fabulosity in-store grabbed me. And it's the least I've paid for a handbag in years!! Regular price $285 - sale price $158.90!

It was also Mr. FGD's bday this week, so don't think I'm not a bad-ass wife (ok, so I'm not really, but I do shop for him) who didn't pick up a little premium denim for her hubby:

(bottom, middle pair - 7 For All Mankind® 'Austyn - Indicator' Relaxed Straight Leg Jeans (Miami Wash))

Regular price $alot - sale price $129.90.

That's it! That's all I got! 3 things!

Damn, I better go back before I lose my super-special Cult status. Shit.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Calluses be gone

Enter my giveaway!

But in the meantime, I’m a deal-whore, and I figured I’d post about some of my favorite websites for deals. Yes, I’m a diva shopper, but you may not know that I rarely pay full price for anything (Louis Vuitton excluded, of course).

So, be like me, and online shop until you drop! Online shopping is so much better for the state of the calluses on your feet, after all.

Gilt Groupe – my favorite invite-only luxury boutique site. Quick, 2-3 day sales of luxury brands offering giant discounts. As I type, current brands on sale include 3.1 Phillip Lim, Habitual, Lauren Merkin and for men, Quiksilver. I buy all of my expensive Voluspa candles from this site, along with other fun stuff.

Rue La La – another awesome invite-only luxury boutique site. Added bonus, they have *phenomenal* customer service, in case you ever have a problem with a purchase.

Ideeli – my third and final fave invite-only luxury boutique site. I have made purchases from all 3 of these invite-only boutique sites and have been extremely pleased with everything.

Jetsetter – a division of Gilt Groupe offering rad deals on super luxury vacation getaways. I do a lot of daydreaming here.

Shop It To Me – I love the concept of this website. You go to the website & sign up (for free, of course), pick your favorite brands or stores, choose how often you want to get emails, and then they send you emails whenever items under your favorite brand go on sale. For instance, I love Chloe and See By Chloe bags. So whenever a department store like Bloomies or Nordstrom puts select Chloe bags on sale, it comes up on the daily, customized email I get. This is how I got a $725 See by Chloe bag for only $275. Or, whenever Louboutins go on sale, those come up in my daily customized email. Love.

JustFabulous – Another really interesting concept. A couple Hwood celeb-stylists got together and created this site. Sign up, answer a few questions about your wardrobe and personal taste/style, and on the first of each month you get an email with customized suggestions for shoes and handbags. The thing is….EVERYTHING suggested to you is $39.95, which includes shipping. It’s all no-name brands, but I’ve seen some really cute shoes come through.

Groupon – Daily deals in your area from restaurants, health & fitness to beauty. Tons of cities/regions are included on this site. I recently purchased a $30 gift certificate to a local restaurant for $15 and yesterday bought a $100 gift certificate to a local salon for $45.

Deal Perk – Just like Groupon. I bought a $55 gift certificate to a local wax parlor for $25. A $25 full bikini wax!! Great deal.

Happy shopping. And remember, your helping the country out from a terrible economic crisis. Bonus!

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