Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The next time I have a brilliant idea, please tell me to fuck off.

About 2 months ago, I was feeling really sloth-like, and I proposed to Mr. FGD that we do the Couch to 5k program I'd heard about from some "friends." Remind me never to speak to these "friends" again.

Much to my surprise, Mr. FGD was into it and agreed to do it with me.

Fuck.

Even when I was in super fabulous shape back in my late teens (yeah....so maybe it's been awhile), I was never into running. I was really tall for my age growing up, and the little bitches in elementary school that I went to school with would always make fun of the way I ran. I don't know why; I have no idea what I looked like, but I'm still traumatized by it. Plus, I just remember having to do those ridiculous physical fitness tests in high school in the frigid Connecticut winters, and feeling like I was having wretched asthma attacks while hacking my way along the one fucking cold ass mile.

So my general consensus of running has always been, FUCK RIGHT OFF, RUNNING.

I don't know what the fuck got into me.

Anyway, somehow I've made it to week 7 of the 9-week Couch To 5k program (aka The Slow Painful Death program). I want to die. Die. Die. Die. I have crazy mother fucking shin splints like you wouldn't believe. They were really bad at first, and then started to get better around week 4 or 5, and now that the only runs on the program are all consistent runs without any walking breaks, they are back in full effect.

(I use the word "run" loosely, as I'm pretty sure most of you could walk faster than my "running" pace.)

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, other than to drop the F-bomb as much as possible in connection with the loosely used term "running."

I haven't gotten any thinner, my legs ache pretty much every day, my legs scream out in pain while I run, and I dropped $200 on new running shoes and customized insoles.



RIP.

18 Comments, shout outs, and other gold diggin' love:

Ams said...

I was JUST thinking of you this morning... don't be scared. I was just randomly wondering what you were up to.
Clearly, you were "running." I don't know where you got a stupid idea like that - but seriously, STOP! I get shin splints too... and I EFFING hate running. HATE HATE HATE!

Ann Marie said...

I', prone to getting shin splints too. I don't think C25K is worth it, but if you're going to keep going with it MH recommends taking aspirin or tylenol before you go running to help avoid the shin splints. He used to do that when he rant track in high school.

dapotato said...

i HATE running. i'm trying this nike+ program that has you walking a lot more/longer than the couch to 5k. it's 12 weeks, and the most you get up to is 2 miles with 30 minutes of it ran, i think.

i'm starting over today, so we'll see if i'm not as miserable as you are in a few weeks.

10yearstogether said...

So.....does that mean you won't be doing the Freedom Run on 4th of July? I hope you do! I hate running in the beginning but after you hit your stride you might like it. Maybe change up your playlist? Like, I run really well to Selena Gomez and Katy Perry.

JD 2 B said...

First, a random comment--> your last two posts have had pictures of your feet :-) Reader lined them up in a row LOL

My productive comment is that if you are getting shin splits you need to take a break and get back into it slower without increasing the intensity as much. If I were you I'd take a month off completely to heal if you get them every time. I've had to do that to make sure they completely heal and ensure they don't come back. (I actually did 6 weeks once which seemed like forever to be lazy :-) but it helped in that they didn't come back for a year)

Good luck!

weezermonkey said...

I don't even know where my running shoes are anymore.

Bev said...

Yay--I'm so proud of you! I've not really had issues with shin splints--def ask your doctor (even over the phone) if it's something you should let heal or work through. The ice packs seem like a good idea, too. :) Are you running outside? Treadmill running is easier on the legs, but way more deadly boring. :/

wan said...

i love you even more than i did before for your excessive use of "fuck" in this post.

Serendipite said...

:( I am sorry.

However, I still run no more than 4-5 minutes at a time. Fuck C25K and their plans to make you run without stopping. H+P

Baby Mama said...

I totally want to punch those elementary school bitches in the face for you! Yay for you for doing C25K!

Brian said...

When I first saw that pic, I thought you ate it while running...then I got this great visual of the incident. Then I read that it's just shin splints and I was slightly disappointed. Dammit. Thanks.

Insomniac said...

I really need to master the couch part before I get to the 5k part.

amber said...

Sorry for the shin splints dude. :( But yay for trying the C25K plan!

Vixen said...

I am so loving all this!!

Vixen said...

I am so loving reading this!

Vixen said...

I am so lovin to read this!

Vixen said...

I am so loving reading this!!

Natrix said...

Do they have a Couch to Bed Run? Maybe a Chair to Couch to Bed to Kitchen back to Couch? I'll do those. :-)

 
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