Monday, March 22, 2010

Thanks for cumming!

I realized this weekend that I probably wouldn't dislike cake as much as I do if they all looked like this.

Oh yes, that's right. Man cake. Very accurately proportioned man cake.

My first sex toy party at my friend Flex's house was complete with the aforementioned man cake, a Frenchie saying, "I don't, you know, how do you say, like it in the boot," and an English woman leading the show talking about wankers and cawks.

I was so fucking pissed I forgot my camera. My cameraphone takes shit pictures, so I didn't even really bother. Ughhh.

Anyway,there were plenty of these...

and these...

(ooooh pink!)

but perhaps what I was most excited about was the GPS system I ordered.

These parties are so practical.

I got some ideas for new wedding table centerpieces (always looking ahead)...

I mean, wouldn't weddings be more fun if, at the center of the dining table, you had your choice of martinis, chocolate, and rabbits?

Speaking of weddings, Flex and I kept it klassy the next night at our other pilates' pal's wedding in Laguna. There, I professed my true love to Flex, and offered her the final rose.

With an offer like that, how could she say no?

Anyway, I'm off to go cave diving, if you know what I mean.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


Holy fuckballs. I just got eyelash extensions. I'm so in love. My life has changed forevah.

Before (special photo credit to my favorite dyke on a bike):


The next time I have eye makeup on I'll post pics where I actually have my eyes open. SQUEAL!

Secondly, I'd like to give a special shout out to 10years for telling me I should get a netbook. I'd been complaining about how my cyber life gets so behind sometimes because anything internetfun is blocked at work and then I'm usually too lazy to go sit in the office at a freaking desk to play on our desktop computer at night. 10years was astonished that I didn't have a laptop or netbook to play on. I balked at first, because our desktop is great & Mr. FGD has a laptop for work that we take whenever we travel, so I thought it was silly to get another computer. But holy crapballs! Netbooks are cheap! Meet my new bestie!

I would also like to extend some lovin to my pal UniVERSE for helping me pick out my new bestie and helping me install the memory upgrade. Isn't she just lovely, in all her seashell white goodness? SQUEAL! (Yes, that's *SQUEAL!* number two in one post. Suck it.)

Finally, I'd just like to clarify from my last post that I AM NOT THINKING ABOUT HAVING A KID. I was just referencing what Mr. FGD said when I told him about my DespressionvilleMidlifeCrisisEmoPhase. Not having a kid people. I repeat, not having a kid.

Ok that's all. I have to go stare at my eyelashes in the mirror now.

Monday, March 8, 2010

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

Last year, probably around this time, I felt like I was having a bit of a mid (quarter?) life crisis. I solved that (e.g. distracted myself) by house hunting and buying a bigger place. And then I started feeling this manic madness again around the holidays. I was able to stave off partial insanity by our super cool vacation to Vancouver and some flying tomato ass banging. But now it's back.

What the fuck do I do now?

Mr. FGD said this is why people have kids. Is that why? You just get so fucking bored with your life and your marriage that you decide, why not fuck up some kids along the way?

Is that what happens?

Answers, please. Before insanity ensues.

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