Sunday, February 21, 2010

Goodnight, Vancouver

On our last full day in Canada, we headed up to Whistler for men's ski jumping. If I was a true feminist, I'd insert a good diatribe here about the IOC's refusal to allow women to ski jump at the 2010 winter Olympics. But let's face it, I'm a bit of a lazy asshole in my old age, so if you're interested, do some Googling or Binging, and read up on it for yourself.

As someone who's fairly afraid of heights, I don't know how these mofos jump off a ledge on such a crazy ass tall hill. I'm fairly certain there's got to be at least a few mind-altering drugs involved, eh?

Here's some live action so you can almost feel like you were there, except without a frozen ass planted on metal bleachers:

Apparently the ideal body type for ski jumping is Kate Moss. All of the men looked like they were about 6'5" and 110 pounds. Not really my type, but to each their own, eh? (Yeah, your goddamn right on my last Canada post I'm gonna say "eh" as much as possible.) This is one of the American dudes. Americans aren't really winners in the ski jumping category, it turns out.

At the hockey game the day prior, a really cute couple sitting behind us asked us if we wanted them to take a picture of us and I was like, no thanks, Mr. FGD and I have been spending an awful lot of time together lately, and I don't really need another picture. Although I'm a total insensitive asshole, when Mr. FGD threw his camera at someone at ski jumping and asked them to take a picture of us, I figured I'd better comply if I ever expect to see a Valentino in my future.

That night we went to a medal ceremony for women's snowboarding half-pipe and a couple men's ski events. That was pretty cool. I'd like to stand on a podium someday and receive a gold medal, even if it's just for surviving the Barney's warehouse sale or successfully making it through 7 plastic surgeries in one day.

I was sad to leave Vancouver. Mr. FGD said I wasn't nearly the asshole he expected I would be, so I think the Olympics treated me really well. Vancouver is fucking awesome, and I really love me some Canadians, despite their insane fanaticism for some truly boring sports.

So until my next trip north of the border, or to Sochi in 2014, I say goodnight Vancouver, with love.


Thursday, February 18, 2010

Curling is for hurling

Today's day at the Olympics started out with US men's hockey vs. Norway. Or was it Finland? No, I think it was Norway. For some reason I always get them confused. Why is that? They don't sound the same - it's not like it's my Switzerland/Sweden semantics problem. Hmmm. Let's go with Norway.

Anyway, I actually had fun. I hate hockey, but this game didn't draaag like I always feel like NHL games do. It went by pretty quickly, which appears to be the key to my happiness. In more ways than one. Hee hee.

Here's some pics of the team warming up. We had really great seats, but I'm not so great at taking photos through the plexi-glass. I'm probably not that great at taking photos in general, but let's just use the plexi-glass as the excuse today, k?

At all the events we've been at, it's been 80% Canadians, 10% Americans, and 10% a hodgepodge of other peeps. But at this game, it actually seemed like a bunch of Americans bothered to show up north of the border, so that was pretty cool.

Anyway, here are a couple more closer up pics of the dudes. I wish I actually followed hockey a little bit so I would know who some of them were, but not so much. I really had no clue who anyone was. I'm guessing the guy with WHITNEY on the back of his jersey wasn't Whitney Port from The Hills?

One of my work besties, UniVERSE loves him some Ryan Miller. He was so excited when he showed me Ryan Miller's goalie helmet before I left for the Olympics, and all I could think was, is he from Jersey Shore?

(That's obviously not my pic, but I have no idea where it originally came from.)

Anyway, to make up for unabashadly stomping on UniVERSE's Ryan Miller man-crush, I tried to take some pics to make up for it. Here we go, UniVERSE, this lovefest is for you, because I promise none of my other readers gives a shit.

Here's the Norway (Finland?) dudes giving it their best shot. (They sorta lost, kinda bad, so I feel like I should give them some love on here, right??).

Ok, that's enough hockey. USA won, wheeee!

Next, we rushed on over to....wait for it....C.U.R.L.I.N.G!!!!!

Holy crap. I hate to say it, but what a snooze. I thought luge was not a spectator sport. Holy shit. I could barely stay awake. The Canadians must know something that we don't because, damn, they are really into it.

I don't think Guy Fieri could figure out the curling action, either.

Oh, and by the way, ahem, my blog is like, totally famous now. We're on Quatchi Watch!!! We love Quatchi!!

Ok, so I don't even know how to wrap this day up. From men skating around in bulky, padded uniforms, to chicks sweeping the floor with their brooms, to watching way too much men's figure skating in the USA lounge tonight and not getting nearly drunky enough, I just don't know where to go with this. Although, thought for the day: men get camel toe when they wear tights.

There you have it.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Good-bye Mr. FGD, helllllooooo speed skaters

I am very sad because we had to sell our tickets to see short track speed skating, where I could have professed my undying love to Apolo Ohno today. They pushed one of our events back several hours, so we ended up having to choose between short track and long track, and Mr. FGD ended up choosing long track. It ended up being a good choice (see below), but, can we first have a moment of silence for the lovefest that I missed with Apolo. I so would have rocked his fast track world. Hee hee.

As a side note, my other boyfriend Shaun White kicked some boo-tay today. I'm so proud of him. Snowboarding was the one event I insisted to Mr. FGD that we get tickets to, and of course it was the one sport that was impossible for us to get tickets to. Booooooooooo. No worries though. When I'm banging some flying tomato ass later I won't even remember that we missed the event. (Sorry, I might be a little drunky right now).

Moving on.

We went to long track speed skating today, or something like that? Bear with me here, while I put the wine down.

Here's Mr. FGD outside the stadium. I took the first picture, and then told him, let's do it again, this time without the double-chin. Aren't I an awesome wife? Who wants to marry me? Who? Who?

The double-double:

The re-do. Much better, right?

And me. I've had lots of practice with avoiding the double-chin shot in photos.

Some photos of the long track rink in Richmond:

This is Shani Davis, the American fave, whooshing by us while warming up:

This blurry picture doesn't do him, or his massive, rock-hard thighs, justice. He's hot.

This is another blurry photo of him, after he won the gold metal. Mr. FGD and I agreed that a gold metal is a free-pussy-pass for life. My apologies for the crassness of this post; I've had too much wine, I swear. I would *never* talk like this sober. Hee hee.

So here are a bunch of photos I took from the "flower" ceremony. (The actual medal ceremony is always the next night.) Excuse the blurry photos. I was very excitedly waving my American flag as I took these pics (you know, because I do that now, now that foolio George W. is gone. See said post below.)

This is Shani and hottie Chad Hedrick coming out of the basement for the flower ceremony. Can you tell?? It's pretty blurry. :(

Some flag-waving goodness:

Yippppeee time:

Shani is the first back to back speed skater gold metal winner, or something. NBC is on in the background, so I'm just spouting what I'm hearing, my friends. Anyway, he's cute, so I'll post some more pics.

Before the speed skating fun, Mr. FGD dragged me to Stanley Park. I don't know if you know this about me, but I don't do outdoor stuff. Could someone let Mr. FGD know? This, after all, is what I thought about the whole outing:

But, I have to say, the boring ass trip to the park was made slightly better when Mr. FGD started freaking out and bouncing up and down saying, "give me the camera! it's a bald eagle! do you know how rare bald eagles are?!" My friends, I'd like to introduce you what I'm pretty sure is a seagull that Mr. FGD thought was a bald eagle.

Once again, here's what I have to say about that:

Hee hee.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Luge is a Snooze

Public Service Announcement: Luge spectating is kinda boring. Maybe it wouldn't be if it wasn't held in subfreezing temperatures, but then I guess the sport wouldn't work out so well. I'm no scientist.

Today we took the 2 hour Olympic bus ride up to Whistler to watch the women's third and fourth rounds (the finals, basically) of luge. No need to watch the highlights tonight; I'll give you the rundown. The Americans didn't do so great. Canada, not so fabby either. The Germans and Austrians are tigers, kicked ass and took names. Steer clear of the Ukrainian women lugers if you see them on the street, that's all I gotta say. I had no interest in taking any pics, but can always count on Mr. FGD to fill in the gaps.

Even from the beginning, I was super happy to be out in the cold.

I recommend adding more layers than this little guy.

It looks cold, right??

Here's some pics of the luge track. I don't recommend going down this drunk. Or sober, really.

Me, rockin the stars and stripes. I'm willing to do that now, now that foolio George W. is nowhere to be seen.

Do you see the chic on the zero? They go super fast. Reminder, don't do this drunk.

Moving on.

Yesterday was our other day without any events, so we did some more Vancouver-sploring.

This is a little out of order, but here's me by the Olympic torch. It's the same size as my head!

Thanks to weezermonkey, we got in the loooong line for Japa Dog!

It was really weird, but strangely yummy.

Seaweed + hot dog = Yum! Who knew.

I'm totally obsessed with Quatchi, the head mascot for the Olympics. I love him so.

Quatchi in a box!

Quatchi playing hockey!

Quatchi blushing on the jumbotron!

I'm kicking myself now, but Mr. FGD is asleep and I can't for the life of me remember which country's outfits we've been mocking the whole time we've been here. They're like, floating brain parts! Mr. FGD is rocking the bad-ass jacket here, but it's just not the same without the matching pants. Purrrrr.

Goodnight, and remember, no need to spend several hundred dollars on luge tickets next time the Olympics comes a rockin.

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