Friday, January 29, 2010

Missing: One lone trash bin. Responds to the name Trash.

Someone stole our trash bin.

Was it you?

What the fuck.

Who the hell steals a trash bin?

Was it empty when you stole it?

If it was full, did you find anything good in it?

Is this a bad joke?

Am I going to get a ransom letter?

Did a coyote snatch it?

RIP, Trash. You were good to us. No one contained our dog poop like you did.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Red wine and ambien, you're talking shit again

I've had this strange obsession lately with the John Mayer song "Heartbreak Warfare." I can't explain it. I don't really have a thing for John Mayer. I've never been a big fan. He's always seemed, a little, you know, whiney.

But there's something about this song. Specifically, there's this line....

"If you want more love, why don't you say so?"

Ok, really, it's not the same on a computer monitor as it is when he sings it. But it just always makes me wonder, wouldn't it be amazing if life were really that simple?

Monday, January 25, 2010


is it that the day I wear shoes I can barely walk in, I have to pee every 5 mins?

Life totally sucks right now.

Death by Fashion

Saturday, January 16, 2010

A close tie, humiliation, and a thought for the day.

What's better:

an orgasm,


peeing after you've been holding it for a really, really long time?

(Photo: MGM)


Today's visit to the nail salon was fucking humiliating. Within minutes of walking in, I dropped a bottle of nail polish. Not only did glass go flying, a really lovely burgundy/plum soon covered the floor (and my jeans). People stared. Embarrassing, right?

It gets worse.

They asked to move me from one chair to another during my pedicure. It turns out, it's not a great idea to walk when you're feet are wet and you slip on your trusty Havaianas. Coordination FAIL. My feet flew out from under me and I did a face plant in the nail salon. Literally just sat on the floor for a few seconds with my feet in the air. People gaping, at this point. I'm sure, wondering, who IS this chic?

Thought for the day:

I passed a street named Balsa tonight. It made me realize, I don't want balls in my salsa.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I'm so fucking bored right now.

And I can't think of a goddamn thing to blog about.

The silence in here is deafening. Ok maybe not. But it would be if my dog wasn't snoring.

I should probably just go to sleep, but I'd much rather sit here and stare at the empty Blogger box. The autosave feature could probably take a break. There's not much to save.

My birthday is coming up, but I don't really care. It's not a "big" one and does anyone really like to celebrate other people's birthdays anyway? I don't really think so. Unless this one involves a diamond ring upgrade, I wouldn't mind just sleeping through it.

Mr. FGD is worried I'm going to be a bitch-ass pain in the balls at the Olympics and ruin it for him. You see, I don't do well in extreme temperatures. I tend to turn into a blood-sucking mean girl. I can't help it though. It's totally out of my control. Did I mention I also hate crowds? Crowds give my hives. They turn me into a blood-sucking mean girl. I can't help it though. It's totally out of my control.

Mr. FGD is so fucked.


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The year in review, as told by my camera phone

New Year's Eve. I may have had a few cocktails.

My happy bitches after we arrived home from our trip to Dallas to visit the in-laws. So happy to be home.

Sweet, old Alex. One of the in-laws dogs. Droopy.

The ring my mother-in-law gave me. Mr. FGD's dad bought it for Mr. FGD's mom in the 70s when he was in Turkey. (If you're my fb friend, yes, this is the one I'd like you all to remind me about if Mr. FGD and I divorce. Must return.)

We lose mini FGD sometimes.

Shoes I love.

More shoes I love.

Mini FGD celebrating Halloween.

Mr. FGD celebrating Halloween.

Everyone else in the house celebrated Halloween, except for me.

and Mr. FGD's family rocking out to the Beatles.

They won't be going on tour anytime soon.

Peace out, 2009.

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