Monday, November 16, 2009

Confessions of a feminist gold digger

Confession: I want Juvederm. I think. I mean, I know I want something, I just don’t know what. I have this line/crease/wrinkle? to the left of my lips, and as I was getting my hair did on Saturday and staring at myself in the mirror for 2 hours, I decided it was ridiculous that something like that bothered me and I wasn’t doing anything about it. I’ve tried those silicone (silicon? I always get confused by the two words. What the hell is the difference?) line fillers that skincare companies make, and they don’t do shit. So, any advice? Will this shit hurt? How expensive is it? Will you hold my hand?



Confession: I’m thinking about trying to get knocked up because four months of maternity leave sounds amazing. What? Don’t judge. People get k’d up for worse reasons. Besides, I have the leading cause of infertility in women, so it’s not likely to happen, like, tomorrow. Or ever. And, I’m pretty sure I might have to have sex with my husband to at least try and make it happen, and that’s not likely to happen either. Heh. Furthermore, I don’t know if I’d have to go off of my batshitcrazy pills if I got k’d up. That could be a problem. Or lead to some entertaining blog posts about how I want to murder my significant other? Not sure. Could go either way.


(photo from AntiBaby.com)

Confession: I’m so fat right now. I’m back to my heaviest weight ever. Problem? I’m fucking lazy. The only think that works for me weight-loss wise is going low-carb, high protein, and I just find that lifestyle so fucking drab. It would behoove (that’s the word, yeah?) me to do so, since my leading-cause-of-infertility-in-women issue also makes chics like us very prone to diabetes, and chics like us are encouraged to watch the carb/sugar intake, but, as previously mentioned, I’m motherfucking lazy or something. I cannot do grilled chicken or fish and veggies. I mean, you might as well just kill me.

Confession: My gorgeous pilates instructor had her client appreciation party this past weekend. This was the first time I’d seen her clients, except for the ones that I run into from the session before mine. I kinda wanted to slit my wrists after I saw them. I was like, wtf do you need pilates for? You weigh 90 pounds (dripping wet). And your skin is perfect and your hair looks like you just came from the salon. I hate you, you mother effing skinny bitches.

Confession: I may have bought the Marc Jacobs bag I blogged about recently. It was overpriced, even with the 20% off promo code I had, but…


(photo from ShopBop.com)

Confession: One of the reasons I’m obsessed with keeping my hair, nails, makeup, shoes, handbags, etc. to the utmost of highest fashionista standards is because I have to somehow take people’s attention away from my Miss Piggy figure of late.



I think that's enough for today.

14 Comments, shout outs, and other gold diggin' love:

kim said...

Love the bag, and wish I had hair as nice as yours.

And I hear Metformin does wonders for people with our "disorder" as far as weight loss goes. :)

Ashley said...

It's too bad I don't live closer, we could cry together over chubbiness while clutching our overpriced handbags <3

FWIW, I think you're rad.

Serendipite said...

Ditto Kim - I would try Metformin. And I hear you about skinny bitches. You have great style and hair so you are way more fab than most, including me! <3

Ann Marie said...

I am totally with you on confessions 4 & 6. And 3 minus the condition.

weezermonkey said...

I'm fucking lazy, too.

Bev said...

Pregnancy is too much of a commitment for me, but I had been thinking swine flu would be a good way to get some time off from work.

Bev said...

P.S. You always look like you just came from the salon!

Bev said...

P.S.S. It is simply unacceptable for my YOUNGER sister to be worrying about wrinkles. Gah.

Violet said...

Confession: I hate when beautiful women like you dissect their perceived faults.

Winnie said...

I've been feeling fat lately too :(

amber said...

* Love that bag. I'm glad you gave it a good home. ;)
* You soooo don't need Juvuderm or whatever the hell it's called!
* While the maternity leave might be nice, dude, the kid sticks around forevah. :/

dapotato said...

good post. i want that bag. i want to yank it off the bitches at school that carry it.

Aline said...

Well I think you're phenomenal even if you don't think you are.


Hmm, I'm sending you an e-mail.

10yearstogether said...

I personally think you always look like a million bucks, but regardless of whatever people think, it's how you feel about yourself that matters most. I hope things turn around soon.

 
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