Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Well, we didn't get the beach town house, but here's a little Kelly Kapowski to make your day.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Oh Fuck Me

Operation Massive Barfage ended in Massive Barfage. We didn't get the house. I think we may have actually had the highest bid, but some motherfucker put down ALL CASH and because we don't do it mafia style, we lost. I've been so depressed ever since. That house was meant to be mine, bitches!

Moving on. We are now in escrow on a different house in my beloved community. End of story, no?


I don't love the house. It's nice, but it's not Operation Massive Barfage house. It just doesn't even compare. Mr. FGD likes it much more than I do, but even he doesn't love it.

We were all set to settle, thinking that this would just be another stepping stone until we could have our McMuthaFuckinMansion on the beach, when Mr. FGD, sneakily looking at casas in beach towns behind my back, found a house he insisted on dragging me to go see.

Don't get me wrong, I like the beach. I love the cooler temps there than living a little bit more inland OC, but come onnnnn, beach towns are so, like, older than where we are now. I like the new shit, people. I am not a 1970s house kind of girl.

So with extremely low expectations, Mr. FGD drove me out to subject beach town. I was cringing, literally cringing, as we were driving through some side streets. Despite being able to see the ocean, these houses were like, not from this decade. Some were in great condition, but then you have those chumps that apparently like shack-living, and don't do shit to take care of their houses.

I was mid-anxiety attack when we pulled up to the house. It's on a small cul-de-sac, and while the houses are definitely not of this decade, they were at least well taken care of. I took a deep breath, and followed Mr. FGD and our Realtor in.

I was pleasantly surprised.

It's not perfect, but it's pretty nice. There's no pool, but there's at least plenty of room in the backyard to put in a pool.

So I caved, people. Mr. FGD was hopping around like a bank camp geek with a new instrument looking at me with sad, pleading eyes. Considering our other option is a house we are both less than ecstatic about, I sighed dramatically and said we could put in an offer.

So now we wait. At least it's not bank-owned so we should find out pretty soon.

I'm just a tad in panic attack mode about the thought of leaving a community/area I ADORE to a beach town I know absolutely nothing about. No HOAs!! Ok yay about not having to pay them, but how the hell will I survive without the HOA-Nazis leaving nasty notes about a leaf out of place on the driveway? How will I survive without the chi chi dog park just blocks away?

I am mildly freaking out here, homies.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Operation Massive Barfage

I wasn't planning on blogging about this, but I am so on edge I figured I might as well. I am starving but trying not to barf at the same time, you know?

While we've been waiting to hear on the house I posted about below, we've been looking at other houses which is recommended by Realtors because you never know what's going to happen with a short sale, or how long hearing from the bank is going to take.

We've been seeing some really nice homes, but nothing that's made me drop my pants and put an offer in.

Last week while I was in Seattle for work, Mr. FGD called me breathless about a house in our community of interest, in our price range, WITH A POOL. I can't underline that enough. I LOVE POOLS. When I was a kid, I would beg my parents relentlessly to put in a pool in our backyard. (It never happened.) Mr. FGD grew up with pools in his backyard (in the country of Texas), so he's a lover of pools too. But in our Wisteria neighborhood, in our price range, it's really not even an option.

So you would think a house with a pool in our price range would be a joke, right?


We saw it Friday night and I about pooped myself. The house is incredible. Brand new everything. Nothing needs to be done. The backyard has a pool, hot tub, fire pit and outdoor bbq with granite counters. It's by no means a mansion, but it's within the square footage we were looking for.

We put in an offer Friday night and found out that, of course, they already had numerous offers. Saturday morning our Realtor received a phone call asking for our best and final offer. Basically, everyone puts forth their best offer, and the homeowner, or, the bank in this case (it's a foreclosure) reviews the offers and picks the best one. The deadline for the best and final offers was yesterday at 6 pm, and we will probably hear by the end of the day tomorrow. Hopefully.

So that's why I'm sitting here, checking my phone every 5 seconds, trying not to have major barfage all over my office. I am a wreck. I want this house so, so bad.

I will be devastated if we don't get this house. And fuck the if it's meant to be thing!

I. want. this. house. Please, pool gods, please.

Monday, July 6, 2009

And now we wait.

We put a bid in on a bank-owned approved-short-sale house. Exciting, right?


The house had been coming up on my MLS search since I first started looking not that long ago, but the listing agent wouldn’t return my realtor’s phone calls. After a couple days with no response, our realtor told us that probably meant that the listing agent had a bid into the bank that looked like it was going to go through. I was bummed. Nothing else that was coming up on the MLS in our community seemed nearly as good…smaller yard…smaller house…one less bedroom, etc.

And then….

Friday morning, I received an email from our realtor with the house’s address in the subject line with just the line “Call me.”


That morning, the bid that was into the bank was mutually cancelled, and because my realtor had been bugging the shit out of the listing agent for a week, he called her back first to tell her the house was available again for showing. Our realtor/loan person got the necessary stuff ready, we tentatively signed the offer and were off to look at the house within a couple hours of the listing agent’s phone call.

Needless to say, it has clearly been a looooong time since these pictures have been taken…..

I wouldn’t say that the previous owners had trashed the place before they left, but let’s just say that it’s been severely neglected. So much so that I am EMBARRASSED to post pictures of its current state. So not HC+L.

After about a 30 minute long cardiac arrest at the current state of the house and the total cheaped-out builder-grade choices the first owners made in 2000 when the house was built, and after discussing how much $$$ we’d have to drop on the place to get it cleaned up before I would EVER step foot in it and actually live there, I started to calm down a bit and see all the things that made me excited about the house in the first place.

Awesome neighborhood.

Great size yard, considering the size of the yards in this relatively new community.

3 car garage.

Four bedrooms (room for my sextuplets!)

Over 2500 square feet (plenty of room for my sextuplets to play!)

Super high ceilings – 30 feet in the living room (plenty of room for my sextuplets to climb!)

I quickly found myself getting emotionally attached to this place over this past weekend. Not good, my readers. Not good.

Our bid was placed at the bank “approved” sale price, so if anyone comes in just a little bit higher, with equally as good credit or whatever, they win! And we won’t find out for a couple weeks, which is the hardest part.

I know, I KNOW. If it’s meant to be….


That doesn’t make the wait easier, foolios. This sucks.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Pocket Rockets and the answer to a mid-life crisis

But I'll get to that.

First, I am waaaaaaay behind on blogging my pics from a few weeks ago. Kooba, NCSM (Newport Coast Soccer Mom) and I headed over to the Urban Decay makeup counter at Macy's South Coast Plaza for some "client research." And development, or something.


The bummer was that Kooba specifically scheduled our appointments that day because there was a special event going on where the Pocket Rocket model dudes were supposed to make an appearance and prance around in their bloomers, or something. Unfortunately, when we got there we discovered that the Pocket Rocket dudes were scheduled to come the following day. Here's what we missed:


Anyway, I was excited because I always lurve getting my makeup done, and most of the Urban Decay stuff was really new to me. And their products are very eco-friendly and most importantly, completely cruelty free.

Fortunately, the gays were out in full force for the event.

And the product packaging could NOT be better.

I nearly fell over when uber-low-may NCSM was finished. Rowrrrrrr.

And voila! The after:

So fun. I am a new fan of Urban Decay. My fave products:

Eyeshadow Primer Potion in Sin

and the 24/7 Concealer for under my eyes

I don't know how I survived without either of them. Gah!

The evening went even better when NCSM and I decided to further our client research and development over cocktails at Charlie Palmer at Bloomies.

YAY! Great times.

Now on to the secret to solving a 30-year old's midlife crisis.


Yes, the FGDs are now looking for a bigger pad to call our own. This past week, we checked out a great house in our current beloved community.

The kitchen was awesome and probably my favorite part (ironic considering entering my kitchen gives me hives).

Nice BBQ area which Mr. FGD turned his nose up at. Charcoal for liiiife, or something.

It even came with a really, really happy dog!

But, alas, it probably won't work for us. The neighbors' backyards seemed really, really close and it probably didn't help the seller that there were 3 screaming children, no SHRIEKING children, playing very loudly in the backyard behind the house. (Not to worry my fellow children haters...I loudly asked our realtor how much extra it would cost to get rid of "those annoying neighborhood children.")

Hopefully we'll get to see some more places this weekend. Wish us luck!

I should have known the answer to my crisis was in retail. On a bigger scale.

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