Sunday, May 31, 2009

My deep south death continues

After visiting the Japanese Gardens, we headed over to check out the Fort Worth Water Gardens.

It was pretty and stuff, but I'm sorry, this place kinda scared the fucking shit out of me. A bunch of people have involuntarily died there!

Mr. FGD traveled down to the depths of the water, but I cowered up at the top looking at the plaques made in honor of the people who fell in and were swept to their death.

Uh, yeah. Real uplifting place. Freaking Texas.

Anyway, my father in law tried to entertain me while his son merrily climbed all the slippery stairs.

Can you see Mr. FGD in the background? If he slipped to his death, I was going to be really pissed that he had my red camera bag with him.

My mother in law and I snarkily talked trash on the high schoolers who had come by to take photos before some sort of formal dance that night. (Cork bottom platforms with a short, cheap looking cocktail dress? Think again, my white trashy Ft. Worthian.)

And then, before I could get bored and crabby, we made our way out.

Next, and last on our agenda before dinner, we headed to the Fort Worth Stockyards. Silly me, when people said stockyards I thought we were going to see some cute moo cows. Maybe some goats. A petting zoo, no?


Definitely not.

Somehow, while side-stepping piles of horse shit on my entry into hell, I managed to snap a few shots.

Those were the normal ones. But then the journey into some sort of wild wild west rodeo hell began.

Don't be mistaken, my fellow Californians. That's not rodeo as in Rodeo Drive. Nope.

This was all cowboy, all the time.

We headed into some sort of cowboy store, where there was no shortage of cowboy boots, in any size.

My English mother in law fit right in.

This is my I'm freaked out, get me out of this place smile:

Alas, we came across a slightly normal looking bar. I jumped on the opportunity to escape the wild west for a moment.

I really wanted some of these, but we were going for a fancy schmancy dinner in less than an hour, and I wasn't really with the stuff your face with greasy food before a nice dinner type of crowd.

We grabbed a table at the outdoor bar and all had a beer. I continued to sweat outrageously and tried to occupy myself with something other than thoughts of sweet, beloved, air conditioning.

Everyone else, dry as dirt, of course.

Not fucking fair!

Damn outdoor bars.

Are those steel beams supposed to cool me off?

We finished our beers and it was time for a little more walking around before heading to dinner. I'll just let these pictures freakishly speak for themselves.

COWBOY Hall of Fame? Who knew.

The next time I think my office is ghetto...

Pretty ponies...

Random buildings..

Does that sign say COWTOWN?

Holy hell.

Pretty babies,

rockin' the Texas bling.

There's the guy and his cow again. Just another day on main street, I guess.

Sarah Palin shops here:

And as we walked further away from the aromas of cow and horse poop, I found some cool old buildings that looked straight out of a western.

And while I was oh so tempted to break the bank in this store, I somehow managed to walk by without entering.

Finally, onto the safety of an upscale restaurant.

With god-forsaken air conditioning.

After dinner, we headed back to the safety of the upper end Dallas suburbs, and I rarely left my perch by the pool for the next few days, with the exception of a few shopping trips, and to refill my cocktail order.

I had a little friend...

who also seemed to enjoy herself...

and didn't think for a second that Texas was anything short of fabulous.

I can't lie, I was, for the most part, surrounded in restful luxury by loved ones who cooked for me and poured me endless drinks, took me shopping, let me sleep-in, and let me flap around in the pool for hours.

It was a good trip (to republican hell), and I don't think any of us wanted to leave.

14 Comments, shout outs, and other gold diggin' love:

dapotato said...

mini FGD is too cute in the suitcase.

but your "NOT FAIR!" photo is the best.

weezermonkey said...

Please tell me you noticed that one of the people featured on the plaques was named Juanitrice Deadmon.

I am dead, mon.

And you don't look sweaty at all to me.

Good photos!

Rachael said...

Look at you and your good-photo-taking-ness.

Ann Marie said...

That fountain didn't freak me out until I saw the plaques -- wth?

Mini FGD is quite the experienced traveler!

Winnie said...

The photos look great! But what I love the most is your captions. R.I.P. Winnie.

ssinca said...

love the commentary!

Baby Mama said...

Mini FGD is freaking adorable!! Love the pool and suitcase pics!

NorCalMrs said...


You take some damn good pictures my friend. I love to look at them! I'm headed there in August...barf.

10yearstogether said...

If you leave your job, you should really look into captioning photos as a career. This is right up there with the Band Camp Trip narration. I'm so RIP right now.

Greg said...

Great fotos!!! Texas is my homey state...Now you HAVE to understand why I live in CA. Was it f-n hot & humid or what??? I really don't miss the Republican Republic of TX...Taking the fam there in 2 wks though. If you HAVE to go, Austin is where its at - which is where we're headed. Thx for sharing some awesome shots & fun stories...

wan-nabe said...

dude, your pictures are pretty freaking awesome.

and - you can get a new husband, but replacing a sweet camera bag...

Insomniac said...

Whoa - you are getting really good with the photos! Great post :)

Violet Femme said...

Ditto Insomniac. I was going to say that your pictures are getting awesome!

I love the captions so much and think you've found a higher calling. It's kind of like snark-lite I suppose. Tastes great, less filling.

amber said...

Two thumbs up on the pics, m'dear!

The water gardens look so purtty, but I'm with you, I wouldn't have wanted to get too close, either. :/

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