Thursday, December 31, 2009

Dear 2010....

Please bring me a pair of Louboutins, because Santa failed me.

Please bring marriage equality, because my state and country failed me.

Please bring sense to people who go to breeders and puppy mills, because millions of dogs died this year for no reason, and the kindness and sensibility of people failed me.

And 2010, please, for the love of all that is good in this world, please, please make me skinny.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

No feminism, just gold digging.

I have nothing of substance to talk about lately, so I'll just continue to blog about things I want. Here's what's on my Universal Wish List.

Aveda stuff, because the shit smells good, it's natural, they don't test on animals, and the hand cream is to die for.

Charcoaly-grey nail polish. It's my latest obsession, and my local nail place doesn't have anything like it.

And the cult favorite, Lincoln Park After Dark.

I'd also gladly accept any of these L.A.M.B. shoes:

Let's throw in some sexy Louboutins to even out the batch of shoe requests.

I smelled this Cinnamon Hot Dots body wash in Sephora recently, and can't wait to get my hands on it, even if it means that I might end up eating my arm.

I also want to try this Dylan's Candy Bar lotion in Birthday Cake Batter, although I'll probably end up eating my other arm.

I've also been coveting this ring from Tiffany's for years, so I threw it on my list too. We'll see if Santa had time to stop at Tiffany's this year.

And, the one and only practical, BORING thing I asked for...

North Face gloves to keep me warm at the Olympics.


Let's hope Santa sticks to the fun gifts. ;)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The feature that changed my life.

Stop what you're doing, and get the Universal Wishlist. Pronto.

Universal Wishlist

Holy crap. It adds a bookmark to your web browser's bookmark list (it says "Add to Wish List") and whenever you see anything you like on any freaking website, it will add it to your wishlist on, so that you can just send your wishlist link to everyone who might want to buy you a gift, and voila!

I'll share a sneak peak to what's on my new Universal Wishlist, made just in the past 30 mins on my lunch. (All photos and items from the designer sale happening NOW! (hint hint))

Yves Saint Laurent Tribtoo Slingbacks

Christian Louboutin Platform Ankle Boots

Gucci Triple Platform Pumps

Christian Louboutin Lady Page Pumps

Please feel free to let me know if you'd like the link to my Wishlist so that you can buy stuff for me. [insert batting eyelashes emoticon here]

Friday, November 27, 2009

Things that are pissing me off.

Our Christmas light people.
The bitches were supposed to show up this past Tuesday (it is now Friday) to hang our Christmas lights on our house. Did they show up? No. Then they were going to come on Wednesday. Did they show up? No. Have they called? No. Assholes.

My love seat is showing me no love.
We ordered a bunch of furniture recently from Plummers. The loveseat we ordered to compliment the sectional in our living room looks ridiculous. Wrong leather sheen, wrong color, wrong everything. Now we have to figure out a way to get it back to Plummers, and pay a restocking fee. It's not their fault, they sent us what we ordered. We are just apparently design-fools. Everyone that came to our house yesterday for Thanksgiving was like, ooh, uh, yeah, no, that doesn't look right. Fuck.

I am the fattest I've ever been in my life.
Yeah, I don't really want to talk about that.

Not being techy enough to revamp my blog.
The free blogger templates provided via Google bore the hell out of me. Yet whenever I try and switch to a random template I find on the Internet, it deletes half my shit and looks stupid. Paying someone professional seems a bit silly when I have all of about 6 readers.

The never ending list of things I want done to the house before I'll invite my friends over.
It never ends. We have poured a small fortune into buying and fixing up this place, and it. never. ends. I never knew a 6-year old house in a fabulous neighborhood could need so much love. And by love, I mean people with taste and the funds to do so. I love our new patio set and fire pit, I love the way we fixed the fugly fireplace, I love the new floors on the second and third floors, I love the art we've found, I love the colors we chose for the walls. But, we still have to replace all of the door handles/knobs on the second and third floors, we still have to rip out all of the tile and appliances in the kitchen (can we start a fundraiser for that, please?), we still have to entirely design and furnish the third floor bonus room that has sat empty since the day the prior owners moved out, we still have to have new lighting installed in the living room, we still have to do so much. This pisses me off so much because I am a turn-key kind of girl. I do not enjoy this shit.

Oh, but I love my friends and family and am thankful we have jobs and money and our lives don't suck. Or something like that, I think.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Confessions of a feminist gold digger

Confession: I want Juvederm. I think. I mean, I know I want something, I just don’t know what. I have this line/crease/wrinkle? to the left of my lips, and as I was getting my hair did on Saturday and staring at myself in the mirror for 2 hours, I decided it was ridiculous that something like that bothered me and I wasn’t doing anything about it. I’ve tried those silicone (silicon? I always get confused by the two words. What the hell is the difference?) line fillers that skincare companies make, and they don’t do shit. So, any advice? Will this shit hurt? How expensive is it? Will you hold my hand?

Confession: I’m thinking about trying to get knocked up because four months of maternity leave sounds amazing. What? Don’t judge. People get k’d up for worse reasons. Besides, I have the leading cause of infertility in women, so it’s not likely to happen, like, tomorrow. Or ever. And, I’m pretty sure I might have to have sex with my husband to at least try and make it happen, and that’s not likely to happen either. Heh. Furthermore, I don’t know if I’d have to go off of my batshitcrazy pills if I got k’d up. That could be a problem. Or lead to some entertaining blog posts about how I want to murder my significant other? Not sure. Could go either way.

(photo from

Confession: I’m so fat right now. I’m back to my heaviest weight ever. Problem? I’m fucking lazy. The only think that works for me weight-loss wise is going low-carb, high protein, and I just find that lifestyle so fucking drab. It would behoove (that’s the word, yeah?) me to do so, since my leading-cause-of-infertility-in-women issue also makes chics like us very prone to diabetes, and chics like us are encouraged to watch the carb/sugar intake, but, as previously mentioned, I’m motherfucking lazy or something. I cannot do grilled chicken or fish and veggies. I mean, you might as well just kill me.

Confession: My gorgeous pilates instructor had her client appreciation party this past weekend. This was the first time I’d seen her clients, except for the ones that I run into from the session before mine. I kinda wanted to slit my wrists after I saw them. I was like, wtf do you need pilates for? You weigh 90 pounds (dripping wet). And your skin is perfect and your hair looks like you just came from the salon. I hate you, you mother effing skinny bitches.

Confession: I may have bought the Marc Jacobs bag I blogged about recently. It was overpriced, even with the 20% off promo code I had, but…

(photo from

Confession: One of the reasons I’m obsessed with keeping my hair, nails, makeup, shoes, handbags, etc. to the utmost of highest fashionista standards is because I have to somehow take people’s attention away from my Miss Piggy figure of late.

I think that's enough for today.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Puppy Love

I had to share this delightful blog post from the delicious Chenin Boutwell. The post and, of course, all of the amazical photos, are Chenin's.

For those who have followed this blog over the years, you know that every year, on Murray's birthday, I do a little post in his honor. This year, Murray is 16 and still kickin'. And I thought, in honor of his 16 years of life, I would post 16 photos of my sweet boy.

To my sweet Mr. Murray... it's hard to believe we have had you in our lives for the past 10 years. When we rescued you from that horrible shelter, we were kids...poor, totally unprepared to take on the responsibility of another living creature, and completely unaware of what it would take to love you. Thank you for being your sweet, silly, constantly-shedding and completely needy little self. And for teaching me how to care for someone (all those surgeries!), how to love unconditionally (remember that time you ate the living room carpet?), and how to age with style. You truly are my first baby (and how gracefully you have accepted my second!) and I love you so, so much. Happy birthday my sweet boy.

Happy 16th Murray! You are a very lucky (and handsome) pup.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Nancy Drew, please.

I want the rainbow striped painting in the background of this photo:

I've been coveting it for the past several episode of my favorite TV pleasure, Flipping Out.

Does anyone know where I can find it, or something similar? I've done some Google searching, but haven't had any luck.


Friday, November 6, 2009

May I redeem myself, please?

All of you mean-girl haters that mocked my Juicy boot selection will be pleased to know that Nordstrom sold out of the beauties before I was able to snag a pair. Sigh.

Nonetheless, I have picked up my booties and moved on. Meet my new pair of snow boots for the Winter Olympics!

I can't wait to get a week's worth of use out of them and then never, ever, ever have any reason to ever, ever, ever wear them again.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The picture of practicality.

I'm going to the Winter Olympics in February. Will be watching various events in Whistler in frigid temps. Should I get these, or are they just dumb?

Help. I don't do super cold weather, and haven't been in the market for snow boots for over a decade.

P.S. I have ginormous, cow-sized calves, if that makes any difference.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Mindless bullshit

I really want this Marc Jacobs bag.

(all photos from

I need someone to buy it for me. Mr. FGD is out of monetary commission these days, trying to fix up 5 million different things at the new house so I don't hate it and make his life even more miserable.

Any takers?
Let's see. I should probably market myself better so that I might actually get some volunteers. Um, I'm short and chubby with good highlights and a mildy scathing sense of humor?

Gosh, I really hope my website doesn't crash from all of the responses.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Are you just happy to see me?

I saw this ad and thought there was something, um, prominent about the dog. No?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Some of you know that I can't cook to save my life. Add that to my hatred of dirty dishes, and I've become a bit of an eating-out whore. You may have noticed by the size of my thighs.

However, as of Monday I am back on the strict 2-week phase of South Beach Diet (again, thigh circumference issue) so Mr. FGD picked me up some shrimp that were deveined and depeeled or something (I don't know what that means, but, ewww, just ewww). Anyway, I threw them in some store bought marinade Sunday night, and when I got home from work last night I threw them in a pan (dirty dish ewwww) and heated them up on medium/medium-high.

They tasted like SHIT. They were warm but tasted kind of rubbery.

WTF did I do wrong?

I ended up heating up some fat-free white meat turkey hot dogs instead. Poor shrimpys. I'm sorry you died for no reason.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Roomba: Love it or Hate it?


The refurbished one we had died in under a year's use, but with 2 shedding dogs, I can't live without it and am buying a new one.

Stupid? They're so fucking expensive, but this one on Amazon isn't too badly priced, so here we go again.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Which one?

Help us choose!

In no particular order:

Choice A:

Choice B:

Choice C:

Choice D:

Choice E:

Choice F:

The winners get to come sit at the table.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Pearls Before Breakfast

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes.. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later:

the violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk..

6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:

The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.... How many other things are we missing?

Full Story in Washington Post:

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

You are funny!

Happy belated anniversary to Mr. FGD (9.16.06). This picture makes me laugh.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Get out your [Dior] shades

I don't really feel like posting a bunch of the photos that I took of my empty house after the floors were put in and the whole thing was painted, so I'll just throw out a few fun ones.

Most of the colors we chose are pretty neutral, but I am all for making statements in bathrooms. We revisited Tahitian blue in our downstairs bathroom, as an homage to our honeymoon:

but my FAVORITE color in the whole house is in our guest bathroom!

It is literally so fucking bright that it ALWAYS looks like a light is on the room! Hee hee. Everyone pretty much hates it, but I love, love, love it and couldn't be happier.

On a totally different note, for any of you that are considering painting a room green, I'd like to recommend staying away from Sherwin William's Lucky Green.

It is not so lucky.


Lucky {boring} beige:

I LOVE bright, fun colors, but Lucky Green was just not my jackpot.

Here's the fun shag carpet we gleefully had ripped out:

and here are my new ebony floors:

and one of the other fun colors in the house:

Unfortunately, after much deliberation, we decided to part with the pink bedroom that was there when we moved in:

RIP Pink Princess!

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