Thursday, May 29, 2008

Confession and a Trip to the Archives

I had to do it.

I deleted my fat picture.

I couldn't handle it. It was haunting me all day today.

On a totally seperate and happier note, Mr. FGD and I watched last night's Top Chef tonight over dinner, and as I was speeding through the commercials, I was super excited to catch a glimpse of a Season 2 of Flipping Out! I loved, loved, loved this show last season, and I've been crossing my fingers that Bravo would bring it back. It starts June 17th and I can't wait to see my favorite OCD-er back in action.

Today was a completely non-blogworthy day. To give me something to write about, I looked through the archives of our photos, and found a few of my absolute favorites. In case you didn't know this little fun fact, I am itelligently liberal while Justin is a drab Orange Curtain republican (this is my blog and I can tell it like I like it).

I've always felt that if my dog could vote, she would follow smart mommy's ways and vote Democratic too. I would tell this to Mr. FGD and he'd roll his eyes and mutter some republican sputtering about tax brackets.

Then one day it happened.

My super-star mommy's girl got a hold of Mr. FGD's mail.

She placed her vote....

and tore up Mr. FGD's mail from the Orange County Republican Party.

Oh sweet justice.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Holy Fat!

I've sort of had this fat plan lately. Yes, I said fat plan, not fit plan.

You see, I dieted pretty hardcorily before we went to Hawaii, so I wouldn't be mortified wearing my bathing suit, and also so I could eat (and drink) what I wanted while we were on vacation and not worry about it. The original plan was to go back to the diet once we got back from Hawaii.


Unfortunately I continued pigging out even after we got back from vacation. For several weeks.


About 2 weeks ago, I realized it was time to climb back onto the diet wagon. Unfortunately, a friend reminded me that we would be having our kitchen worked on and Mr. FGD would be eating out pretty much non-stop for over a week. So I figured I'd wait until after the kitchen was done to get back on the diet.

And then, tonight, I saw it.

A fat picture.

And yes, not only a fat picture, but a fat picture of me stuffing my face.

So with great resolve, I plan to be back on the diet wagon as of next Wednesday, after we have our new countertops, sink and faucet (but not the new muther effin backsplash that I am in love with, because it is delayed 6 weeks). So, now that I have displayed a fat picture for the entire world to see (or just the few of you that read my blog), I have to do it. I need to commit.

Now, before you comment me with tidings of oh, you're not fat, it's just the picture (which we all know is bullshit anyway), I'll end with this much better picture the Brianna took of me and 10year's all-look-same dog.

So, the moral of this story is, hide behind the dog in pictures.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008


There are some really strange things that come up if you Google Image search the term "headache." I have a headache. I've had a headache for the past several hours. I am going to go lie down and will my headache to go away. But for now, I leave you with my favorite Google image from my headache search.

You're welcome.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Weekend Fun

It's Sunday morning of Memorial Day weekend, and already I have eaten and drunken very well. Friday night, we had dinner with some friends at Sonny's Pizza and Pasta in San Clemente.

I love that place. It's a little hole in the wall, but there is always a wait, and for good reason.

On top of that, my teenage skater boyfriend Ryan Scheckler eats there, and if it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me.

Afterwards, we headed over to the man mysteriously known as "J"'s place in Dana Point for a board game and lots of margaritas. The margs were way good, and I got a bit drunky. "J" just moved here from London (although he's not British), and barely has any furniture, but the location of his place in Dana Point is bad ass!

Last night we celebrated one of our favorite OCD neighbor/friend-with-a-nice-kitchen-who-we-are-desperately-trying-not-to-copy's birthday at Infusion Restaurant and Martini Bar in Ladera.

Mr. FGD and I had gone to Infusion once after they opened a couple years ago, and while I loved their martini selection, at the time I was not that impressed with the meal I had, and I thought everything was a little overpriced. I was hoping that this second-chance occasion would allow Infusion to redeem itself.

It did. Here are some camera pics (using Mr. FGD's camera phone, because mine, as he reminded me last night, "sucks"), of the smattering of meals that were had:

Grilled Sea Bass and Center Cut Filet:

and their signature dish (which Mr. FGD inhaled), The Vertical:

(Lobster, Filet Mignon and Tiger Prawns, Lemon Infused Buerre Blanc, Cabernet Demi Glace, Roasted Red Pepper Sauce and Artichoke Mashed Potatoes)

I just had some boring pasta, but the best part of my meal was definitely the XXX martini.

Afterwards, we headed back to the neighbor/friend with a nice kitchen (who we are desperately trying not to copy) for some birthday gifts and cake and port for the snobby wine drinkers and coffee for the old 30 and 40somethingers. I, being neither of those, just had water.

I was very excited to hear that our friend Dirty Sanchez's love life on was finally progressing. She recently met a guy that she's actually interested in, and I very excitedly announced to the group that she was probably going to sleep with him on her fourth date tonight. In fact, looking at the clock (it's now Sunday evening - it's taken me 12 hours to write this), they are probably shacking up right this very instant.
Yippee! Or should I say, whoopie?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Demo Day and Team Green Day 2

Today was kitchen demo day. I left an empty kitchen in the morning, and by 10:30 am, I had this picture from Mr. FGD on my cell phone:

Lookin' good.

Because we'd be having strange people coming in out out of our place all day, we decided to board the fur babies at their luxurious pet resort today and tomorrow. Unfortunately, I had trouble accessing the doggie web cam from work all day, so I was unable to view any x-rated humping action or peeing on someone else's floor action.

The worst part was coming home tonight to no happy faces and tails wagging at me like I had been gone for a year. I miss my bitches when they're gone.

(Yes, there are 2 dogs in this bed)

I decided to take advantage of my freedom (i.e., not having to rush home from work to let out the dogs) and coerced my Team Green partner into going to happy hour with me. Yes, today was Day 2 of carpooling. It really wasn't that hard to convince her to go to happy hour with me considering that I was her only ride home. Curry's mom was also able to join us and I had a great time catching up on everyone's non-bloggable issues. It was such a bizarre feeling to just be out and not have to worry about anyone having an accident on the floor. (Mr. FGD has a bladder problem).

While trying to find a picture of my little dog humping my big dog's neck for the "humping action" comment above (I couldn't find it, so I guess it must be locked away somewhere in a secret doggy porn folder), I found this picture of Mr. FGD painting our (his) old place before we sold it.

I guess maybe Mr. FGD doesn't always have to buy me things to make me happy. But don't tell him that.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Dodge Dream. Going Green.

Today was Day 1 of Team Carpool. As promised, I showed up bright and early at 10year's house this morning. Seeing her in her fuggs so early in the morning gave me an instant jolt.

It was 10years' turn to drive, and the drive was so smooth and peaceful it was almost as if her beautiful blue boat was floating up the freeway towards Irvine.

We'll see how long this green streak in both of us lasts, but for now, it's better than riding with Hitler.

Although sometimes the characteristics of my driving companion make me wonder.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

P.S. Mr. FGD makes delicious chicken!

Mr. FGD saw my post below and said, honey, you really need to start carrying around the real camera rather than your camera phone. I asked, why? Mr. FGD said, because my chicken doesn't look good at all in that picture.

The moral of the story - my camera-picture taking sucks, and Mr. FGD is one mean chef.

Hot Saturday

On Saturday, Mr. FGD and I went to look at granite. In a 98 degree granite yard (Nick Lachey was not there). In the sun. In 98 degree weather.

(This is the first image that came up when I Google'd "sweaty women." Let's pretend this is me. It's actually the same outfit I was wearing.)

We decided on a light color of granite because our kitchen is ridiculously tiny and the walls are a dark burgandyish color, so we wanted to keep it as light as possible. It retrospect, it's amazing how quickly we both agreed on which granite we wanted. Could it have been that we were melting into the pavement? Probably.

It was so bright out, I literally couldn't see into my cell phone to take the picture. I just held up the phone, figuring I was pointing in the right direction, and clicked. This is what I got...

I don't expect raves on the granite we picked out from this picture. Even I think it looks like a lame ass slab of rock.

My favorite part of the domestic divaness for the day was picking out the backsplash. Mr. FGD and I both wanted something very unique. We both have very modern taste, but also wanted something that would appeal to the majority since we (i.e., me) want to upgrade to a bigger place in the next year or two. So, we needed to pick something out that not only would we love, but a future buyer will love too. I have no idea if the average person will love the backsplash we ended up picking, because it's super funky and cool, but OMG I love it. Love it love it love it love it love it. I don't think I have ever been this excited about something for the house. I'll post pictures in a couple weeks when everything is installed and gleaming in its loveliness. I'm sure it will be gleaming, hopefully it will be lovely too.

That evening, we had my favorite multiculteral family over for dinner and game night. It was just like a real Benetton ad.

The United Colors of Benetton's baby, who I have inappropriately named Ella Cheong, was quite the little darling. She was clearly well-prepped on how much Auntie FGD loathes children. She barely uttered a peep the whole night. Here is a pic that I took of my favorite half-all-look-same-baby (for those of you who are not in on the all-look-same brigade, I apologize for what must seem like my raving bigotry):

Mr. FGD did not have his usual 6 hours to prep the meal for our guests (no, I'm not kidding, ask me how long it takes for my favorite tomato soup from Bistro Jeanty to be made from scratch), so he made one of our easy favorites, jerk-rubbed chicken with manga habanero hot sauce:

It was delish, as expected, and we all gobbled it right up. Yes, I said gobbled.

After wine and dinner and cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory (except for Mr. United Colors of Benetton, whose cheesecake was inadvertently left at the cash register of Cheesecake Factory), we introduced the Benetton family to our new favorite interactive game, Banzai!

For those of you that have yet to play this Japanese import, I can only say that I hope one day you can enjoy the thrill. If only I had my camera ready when Mr. FGD explained the game to the Benetton family. Their looks of combined confusion, skepticism, and is-this-a-joke were rather entertaining.

Even though I have played the game before, I am very competitive and was concerned that the Benetton family would have an edge over me because of my novice chopstick stills. But, I busted out my rookie white-girl chopsticks, and we were all on the same playing field. (If only I could have taken these with me to Nobu!)

Mrs. Benetton ran out of her Banzai sushi quickly, with Mr. FGD right behind her. It was down to Mr. United Colors and me.

Our sushi were neck and neck for quite sometime. Gill to gill, one might say.

Alas, cheating Mr. Benetton won the death match and had a special song sung to him, while I got called stupid rubish. I'm still mourning the loss.

Alas, 'til next time, Mr. Cheeky Chappy Chappie! Banzai!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Klassy Hour

This past Thursday I met up with some of the girls at Chili's for Happy Hour. As you may remember, 10Years and I love us some Chili's in all of its klassiness! It turns out there are some other closeted Chili's lovers out there too! Don't worry, I won't out you.

I was running later than anticipated, so in all of my klassiness, I made sure to call 10years to ask her to order me a strawberry margarita right before 7 so I could partake in the happy hour maragita prices. I was so happy to arrive at Chili's to friends and an ice cold strawberry margy awaiting me!

(That's 10years' mango margarita keeping my strawberry margarita company.)
I opted for the newish to the menu BIG MOUTH® BITES for dinner, since I loved them so much on our last trip. They did not disappoint, and my non-currently-dieting ass enjoyed the entire plate of them. Burp.

Skinny girl YoungLove enjoyed several margaritas without actual dinner (claiming she had already eaten free Chik-ful-a (how the hell do you spell it?) given to the teachers at school that day)...

and Skinny girl 2 Curry's Mom had a big mouth burger. I should have taken a picture of Curry's Mom's big mouth inhaling the big mouth burger, but I am a klassy friend, after all.

The last to arrive was Yeahimcat who, much to my disappointment, also ordered the BIG MOUTH® BITES for dinner, but chose NOT to devour the entire plate. Sad.



Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Seattle (the dessert)

At my work, I am essentially the sous chef to Tom Colicchio.

I am the behind the scenes slicer and dicer, while Tom makes the beautiful dishes with his name on them. He is mainly bestowed with critical rave, but occasionally suffers the crass tongue of the hard to please palette. As a sous chef, I do not fraternize with Tom. It's not that I'm not welcome, we are just on different playing fields.

That dynamic changed, ever so briefly, during my recent work trip to Seattle. I was suddenly allowed to play with the top chefs. (I suppose now it's terribly obvious what I watch on Wednesday nights). I got a taste of it, and it was delicious.

After the BR suit-wearing reception, I went out for drinks with the Big Cheese and Kooba Cheese, along with my former co-worker Hill Trampler who now lives and works in Seattle.

Our first stop was at Seattle's Lava Lounge.

I should have immediately known that I was in for a good night when I got carded at the door by someone who didn't actually work at the bar. I really hadn't had much to drink at that point (just 2 drinks at the reception a little while earlier) and the guy seemed totally convincing. Turns out he was drunk and didn't work at the bar at all. Oh well.

We stayed at Lava Lounge for a round of drinks. We were visited by the guy who fake carded me at the door. This isn't actually him, but you get the idea. I claimed he looked just like Mr. FGD.

Although I was perfectly happy talking to Mr. FGD-lookalike-drunk-biker guy and listening to Dolly Parton belt out 9 to 5, we decided to head out to a different bar.
The second place we went to was a bit of a step up from Lava Lounge, called Queen City Grill ( The bar/restaurant was lovely with its high-backed wooden booths and lacquered bar. I was getting quite lacquered myself at this point. Hill Trampler decided that mojitos sounded good, so Kooba Cheese and I also decided to partake. Big Cheese stuck with some sort of manly clear liquid drink.
By nature, I am a very honest person. I don't lie, or bullshit, well. Liqueured up, I am perhaps, too honest? This is a dangerous combination when out with the people that employ you. Hopefully I didn't say anything too offensive. Or if I did, hopefully no one really remembers. Anyway, I laughed a lot with the Trampler and the Cheeses. It was a smart, funny crowd, and the drinks were fabby. I am rarely a school night partier, but this sous chef's flight didn't leave until noon, and I was raring to go. The mojitos were really, really good, and the Flatliner that Hill Trampler had told us about lived up to its reputation.
The Flatliner was kind of a coffee, espresso martini; a perfect drink to finish up with. The great part was that one drink ended up being two! Kooba Cheese and I not only had one martini-glass full but an additional pint-size strainer served next to us with another glass-full! Mmmmmm.

Mid-conversation, my eyes veered over to a chalkboard on the bar.

"Cock....." I blurted out.

You probably can't see it in my crappy (drunk) cell phone photo, but my eyes glazed over the word "cockthalion" on the board and couldn't help but stop and blurt out "cock." You would too, I swear. I have been wondering since that night if "cockthalion" is an actual dictionary word, but sadly, I just checked and I don't think it is. But cheers to the Queen City Grill's bartenders for finding a way to amuse my drunk eye.

I believed we left, stumbling (some of us, anyway), out of the Queen City Grill around 1:30 am. Hill Trampler had to be at work the next morning, and was actually still considering going to her early morning boot camp class (clearly, she had not had enough to drink to still be considering this option). We caught a cab, and that is when the white jeans discussion arose.

Do you know what white jeans say about a girl?

Perhaps you should before you go out wearing them again. (For more information, please contact Laqueesha from the Kevin & Bean radio morning show).

During that discussion, my eyes fell upon Kooba Cheese's Kooba bag. I love Kooba bags. I have drooled over many. I suddenly become very obsessed with memorializing Kooba Cheese's Kooba bag. You pick the best shot.
We said good-bye to Hill Trampler when we got back to the hotel, and Big Cheese and Kooba Cheese and I set off to find an open bar in the area. One would think that wouldn't be too hard in downtown Seattle on a Thursday night, but apparently downtown Seattle is no college town. We outlasted Seattle, and Seattle was telling us to get our sunny-SoCal asses to bed.

I had such a fun time that night. It was fun hanging out with the top chefs for awhile, and not once did they tell me to pack up my knives and go.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Geekfest 2008 (or, Dancing with the Stars)

I watch a lot of trash. I am a proud viewer of The Hills, Real Housewives of Orange County (and, of course, New York), Laguna Beach the Real Orange County, Rock of Love, etc. But rarely do I feel any enjoyment from watching cheesy, family-friendly shit (i.e., American Idol). These are generally not the shows for me. I like cursing, cleavage and random hook-ups. I do not like Ryan Seacrest and G ratings. However, I do have a secret love.

Dancing with the Stars.

(Thank you Jon for giving me the opportunity to indulge in my secret love!)

A.Beanie and I drove up to LA this afternoon to attend the live taping of tonight's show. We got ready in the locker room of our work building, because we are fancy like that. The attire requirements for the show were suits for the men and cocktail dresses for the women.

After standing in several few lines and making our way through security, we were seated in our assigned seating on the floor of the ballroom (phew, I did not want to be way up in the balcony section), about 4 rows back from the front row. When we were first seated, I was really excited with our seats. It seemed like we had the perfect view of the dance floor. We were directly across the floor from the 3 judges, and were only a couple rows behind the very front row. (Unfortunately, no cameras or cell phones were allowed inside the taping).

After being seated for only a few minutes, I happened to make eye contact with one of the production assistants walking around near us. He stopped, came over our way, and asked if we wanted to move. I was like, uh, yeah, of course. He walked us over to ridiculously VIP seats at the very front, telling us that we would be in the camera shots and that the people who had originally been seated in the two seats said they didn't want to be on camera. I was ecstatic! I am, after all, an attention grabbing whore.

A few minutes later, I let out what I hope was a very quite squeal, looked over at A.Beanie, and mouthed, "THAT'S THE BACHELOR!!!!!!!!!"

His hair was different than it is on the show (it's almost buzzed now), but I knew immediately that it was him. I was squirming in my seat trying to contain myself. I decided I had to talk to him.

Tap, tap, tap on his shoulder.

Me: So who did you pick?

Bachelor: Wouldn't you like to know?

Then he turned back around in his seat and ignored me.

I sat and stared in stunned silence for a minute. The bachelor blew me off! I know I asked a really lame question, but all I could think was, what a douchebag. He's totally in it for the greencard.

I don't know if he sensed my icy glare drilling a hole in the side of his head, but he turned around and asked: "Who did you want me to pick?"

Me: You already kicked her off.

Bach: Which one? Amanda? Were you an Amanda fan?

Me: I don't know her name. You sent her home last week. Brunette. Hiccups.

Bach: Oh, (laughing), you mean the "meaps." That's Amanda. She's a very nice girl.

Me: Yeah, she was really pretty.

Bach: Yeah, I got a lot of hate mail after I let her go.

Me: Oh. Wow.

Bach: Did you cry when I sent her home (laughing)?

Me: (Straight faced) Yes, for 30 minutes.

Bach (Turns to face me head-on, stunned) Really???

Me: No.

Bach: Oh (laughing). (Turns back around away from me)

Me: Only for 10 minutes.

Bach: (laughs)

That was it. It was a few minutes of pure reality show bliss.

A few minutes before the show is about to go live, the production assistant comes back over to me and says, I'm really sorry, but I have to ask you to go back to your old seats. I was like, what??? The PA says, yeah, I'm really sorry, but you have to go back. I asked him why and he said the people (who originally hadn't wanted to be on camera) wanted their seats back.
So. Incredibly. Pissed.


We go back to our original seats, which now pale in comparison to super special Bachelor VIP seats, and sit down, completely squished by the women surrounding us, and barely able to see over the few rows of people in front of us. Sadness.

All in all, I had a fabulous time, but nothing after that ever did measure up to my special momentary VIP seating and chat with THE bachelor.

Jason Taylor's wife is ridiculously (should be illegally) good looking, as is Emmett Smith's wife (Emmett made a guest appearance tonight).

Alex Mapa was there (Gabby's gaysian fashion friend on Desperate Housewives).

Simon Cowell's beautiful girlfriend (and her beautiful Louboutins) sat behind us. Simon's mom sat next to her. Simon was not there.

After the show, we ran into an older couple that had been sitting in the super special VIP area by the Bachelor, who asked us if we knew why we had gotten the boot out of the super special seats. It turns out the original set of people had not wanted their seats back. Apparently Marlee Matlin's sign language translator wanted the seats! Keep in mind that Marlee was voted off the show several weeks ago, and was not in attendance tonight. I got the boot for Marlee Matlin's sign language translator!!! WTF?

I knew I should stick to The Hills.

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