Confessions of a feminist gold digger

Confession: I want Juvederm. I think. I mean, I know I want something, I just don’t know what. I have this line/crease/wrinkle? to the left of my lips, and as I was getting my hair did on Saturday and staring at myself in the mirror for 2 hours, I decided it was ridiculous that something like that bothered me and I wasn’t doing anything about it. I’ve tried those silicone (silicon? I always get confused by the two words. What the hell is the difference?) line fillers that skincare companies make, and they don’t do shit. So, any advice? Will this shit hurt? How expensive is it? Will you hold my hand?



Confession: I’m thinking about trying to get knocked up because four months of maternity leave sounds amazing. What? Don’t judge. People get k’d up for worse reasons. Besides, I have the leading cause of infertility in women, so it’s not likely to happen, like, tomorrow. Or ever. And, I’m pretty sure I might have to have sex with my husband to at least try and make it happen, and that’s not likely to happen either. Heh. Furthermore, I don’t know if I’d have to go off of my batshitcrazy pills if I got k’d up. That could be a problem. Or lead to some entertaining blog posts about how I want to murder my significant other? Not sure. Could go either way.


(photo from AntiBaby.com)

Confession: I’m so fat right now. I’m back to my heaviest weight ever. Problem? I’m fucking lazy. The only think that works for me weight-loss wise is going low-carb, high protein, and I just find that lifestyle so fucking drab. It would behoove (that’s the word, yeah?) me to do so, since my leading-cause-of-infertility-in-women issue also makes chics like us very prone to diabetes, and chics like us are encouraged to watch the carb/sugar intake, but, as previously mentioned, I’m motherfucking lazy or something. I cannot do grilled chicken or fish and veggies. I mean, you might as well just kill me.

Confession: My gorgeous pilates instructor had her client appreciation party this past weekend. This was the first time I’d seen her clients, except for the ones that I run into from the session before mine. I kinda wanted to slit my wrists after I saw them. I was like, wtf do you need pilates for? You weigh 90 pounds (dripping wet). And your skin is perfect and your hair looks like you just came from the salon. I hate you, you mother effing skinny bitches.

Confession: I may have bought the Marc Jacobs bag I blogged about recently. It was overpriced, even with the 20% off promo code I had, but…


(photo from ShopBop.com)

Confession: One of the reasons I’m obsessed with keeping my hair, nails, makeup, shoes, handbags, etc. to the utmost of highest fashionista standards is because I have to somehow take people’s attention away from my Miss Piggy figure of late.



I think that's enough for today.

Puppy Love

I had to share this delightful blog post from the delicious Chenin Boutwell. The post and, of course, all of the amazical photos, are Chenin's.

For those who have followed this blog over the years, you know that every year, on Murray's birthday, I do a little post in his honor. This year, Murray is 16 and still kickin'. And I thought, in honor of his 16 years of life, I would post 16 photos of my sweet boy.



To my sweet Mr. Murray... it's hard to believe we have had you in our lives for the past 10 years. When we rescued you from that horrible shelter, we were kids...poor, totally unprepared to take on the responsibility of another living creature, and completely unaware of what it would take to love you. Thank you for being your sweet, silly, constantly-shedding and completely needy little self. And for teaching me how to care for someone (all those surgeries!), how to love unconditionally (remember that time you ate the living room carpet?), and how to age with style. You truly are my first baby (and how gracefully you have accepted my second!) and I love you so, so much. Happy birthday my sweet boy.

Happy 16th Murray! You are a very lucky (and handsome) pup.

Nancy Drew, please.

I want the rainbow striped painting in the background of this photo:



I've been coveting it for the past several episode of my favorite TV pleasure, Flipping Out.

Does anyone know where I can find it, or something similar? I've done some Google searching, but haven't had any luck.

Help.

May I redeem myself, please?

All of you mean-girl haters that mocked my Juicy boot selection will be pleased to know that Nordstrom sold out of the beauties before I was able to snag a pair. Sigh.

Nonetheless, I have picked up my booties and moved on. Meet my new pair of snow boots for the Winter Olympics!





I can't wait to get a week's worth of use out of them and then never, ever, ever have any reason to ever, ever, ever wear them again.

The picture of practicality.

I'm going to the Winter Olympics in February. Will be watching various events in Whistler in frigid temps. Should I get these, or are they just dumb?





Help. I don't do super cold weather, and haven't been in the market for snow boots for over a decade.

P.S. I have ginormous, cow-sized calves, if that makes any difference.

Mindless bullshit

I really want this Marc Jacobs bag.

(all photos from ShopBop.com)

I need someone to buy it for me. Mr. FGD is out of monetary commission these days, trying to fix up 5 million different things at the new house so I don't hate it and make his life even more miserable.

Any takers?

Let's see. I should probably market myself better so that I might actually get some volunteers. Um, I'm short and chubby with good highlights and a mildy scathing sense of humor?

Gosh, I really hope my website doesn't crash from all of the responses.

Are you just happy to see me?

I saw this ad and thought there was something, um, prominent about the dog. No?